Monday, April 14, 2008

What you should do when the donkey brays

OK when u start investigating what’s going on in Turkey it’s impossible not to be amused. Here’s a book written by a supposed “Hodja” about some “vital” facts a good Muslim should know. And this book is sold in some mosques. Did I say sold? Sorry, it is given as a “gift” to anyone who donates 1YTL (around 0.8 dollars). First of all, you should know that these crackheads are still the minority in Turkey and they don’t reflect the thoughts of most of the Turkish Muslims, but I saw the number 133 thousand on the cover. If that’s true, 2 stadiums of people have bought & read this book!

Anyway let’s take a look at what’s in the book:

* If you’re listening to music, if you go to weddings where they play instruments, God doesn’t love you. Listening to instruments is a sin. When an instrument is played 2 devils come, get on the shoulders of the listener and start hopping. Listening to a musical instrument leads to adultery.

* Love the Arabs! Our prophet suggests that, love the Arabs for 3 reasons, because I am an Arab, because Quran is Arabic, and because we’re going to be speaking Arabic in the afterlife! Whoever loves the Arabs loves them because of their love for me, whoever has a grudge to an Arab has a grudge to me.

* While reading Quran, cry. If you don’t cry, pretend to cry.

* Go to the mosque slowly, because you’re already considered praying even on the way to the mosque.

* Our prophet has never eaten on the table even once in his life. Eating on the table is both unhealthy and wrong.

* There are two ways to sit for a meal. Either sit on both of your knees, or step on your right foot and sit on your left foot. But however you sat, you should keep that position till the meal is over.

* If you have food leftover on you hands, lick your them off before washing, cause that’s what our prophet would do.

* The main origin of some unknown diseases is the food and bread crumbs going down the drain to the sewer.

* Love the cat, because our prophet used to love them too.

* When the rooster crows, ask him from God.

* When the donkey brays, pronounce “euzü” (euzü is a one loong word which is said to get rid of the devil). Because the donkey must have seen a devil.

* Don’t sit with women! Because the eye doesn’t stay motionless. Our master (probably addressing the prophet) says “two eyes do adultery”

* The angels curse the ones who wears wigs or helps wear wigs.

* Start a trip on either Monday or Thursday.

There’s more crazy stuff but these were the best I guess. I know some stuff didn’t make sense at all but it’s not because of my English. It’s because they don’t make sense in Turkish either. See you.


Lex said...

Makes perfect sense! It sounds like my neighbors. They just happen to be (supposedly) Christian and follow practically the same rules. Oh, and they think that anyone from Turkey must be a Mexican....LOL. You MUST come visit for my "Lex's Big Gay Dirty Mexican Obnoxious Music Party". I know it'll be a long flight for you can be our Skype guest I guess...HAHA!

Wow, that's one hell of a great list. I guess I'd better get a little more into my Arabic lessons, huh?

conmech said...

Can't I hitchhike or somth? It will definitely be worth, since USA, Japan and Australia is close. I need to go all those places and visit my friends :(

t4toby said...

Also, always finish every meal with a mayonnaise and Peanut butter sandwich, because the prophet loved him some PB & M.


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